Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
It was a good essay with complete description of everything. It was an interesting essay to read.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?

No

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who would relate to similar traumatic experiences

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a.

b.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
1. Being attacked by a neighbor’s dog as a kid had a traumatic effect and more implications than at first glance.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
YES

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? ANyone
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. details
b. Tone
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Getting attacked by a dog

Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
No
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? Yes
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
Yes
c. Is the information understandable to you? Yes
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YEs
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed? None

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

Essay writer’s name___Anthony Han_____ Peer’s name_______Marina Yermolayeva________

The intro juxtaposes the typical image of an action film and the particular one you are reviewing, which catches the reader’s attention. It’s also good that you mentioned all the important “big” names in the film in the beginning.
I am glad to see that you have taken my suggestions and used them to improve your draft. You definitely broke up your paragraphs more. It helps everything flow since the reader is not overwhelmed by a lot of info all at once.
I noticed that your sentences tend to be wordy, so try to go through it and check if you can take something out. For example, in “The movie is unique in the sense that it concentrates more on the fact that the story development comes from the characters themselves” do you really need to say “the fact that..”. Also, in “She really does get into her character role which really may have jumpstarted her career” you repeat “really.” Another examples is “Oldman also does a great job playing a corrupt, drug-addicted DEA officer who is also a murderer.”
When you are mentioning the name of a film, you have to make it noticed by either italicizing it or underlining.
I also like how you’ve handled the Matilda/Leon relationship, and how it is ambiguous to viewers. Maybe you should describe in more detail the example of when they were like in the same bed and looked at each other, when Matilda professed her love. It also seems out of sequence, the way you broke apart that set of paragraphs. Why is the bed scene separate from your discussion of their relationship? The “cleaning” part should be in a separate paragraph though.
The conclusion summed up the point of the essay well, and gave examples of how the film was so unique in your eyes. However, you make a lot of comparisons such as “there could not be a better….” Or “….could have been better” – so try to vary up the way you evaluate scenes. You should also use better transitions between paragraphs to tie it all together.
Overall, it was a thorough evaluation that showed passion; with a few minor style adjustments it would be awesome.

Essay writer’s name___ Anthony Han ___________ Peer’s name____Tanisha Daley_____

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

The essay is interesting to but there was some nice visual descriptions

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?

You told us about a life experiance and how it shaped you on how you are now.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

People who went through similar experiances

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

Teenagers

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. Language is easy understand

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The dog attack changed his life.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, the writer provided a lot of images and reflection on the event. Maybe some quotes should be included.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
When he desribed the temperature

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
UNSURE
If not, explain here: Some of the phrases are repeated throughout the essay, same words are used over and over again. Try to vary the language.

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
Yes

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1, and 5

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile. – NO INTERVIEWS

a. What person or persons were interviewed?

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments: The second sentence doesn’t really make sense. The “it” is not introduced in the first sentence. Also you should consider breaking up the first paragraph.

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

Essay writer’s name Anthony Han Peer’s name Nicholas King

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
The intro dragged you in and made me want to find out what happend
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
How your life could change in a split second.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anybody

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
There is no target audience because it is a general essay. Mostly people that have dogs would be interested in this.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. word choice made the readers not want to stop

b. details helped put the picture of everything in the readers head

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
You life can change in a split second

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes the details were described that were need to put the image into the readers head.

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
this is straight forward that has the reader not being able to stop

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 4 Why?
Why did the dog leap at you?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Sister and neighbors

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
They are the main people that the essay is written about

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
first hand

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
I wanted to keep reading about the life changing event that was being described.

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Good description on how it changed you as a person

Writer ______Anthony Han_______ Peer Respondent _____Marina Yermolayeva__________

Instructions: Listen to the essay carefully. Take at least two minutes after the reading to complete the following notes, and then share your reactions orally with the writer. Submit the completed form to your teacher at the end of the Peer Response activity.

(+) What works? (praise)

Captivating intro. Contrast with the “typical” hit man movies. You can even mention the recent movie “Hitman” and compare the two more directly.
A lot of details show that you have a good grasp of the movie.
Plot analysis is detailed and show passion about the movie.
Excellent conclusion, ties up everything neatly. The last sentence though, seems like its displaced, because you just introduce websites as a reliable source to back up your review all of a sudden.

(-) What Doesn’t (polish)

The major thing I noticed, stylistically, is that your paragraphs are long and contain a lot of information. It’s a bit hard to swallow when you talk about several aspects all in one breath, so try to break it up a little. Split up the content when you introduce something new, like when you introduce some negative criticism in the middle of a paragraph. Specifically, in the intro you start talking in some detail about Natalie Portman, which you may want to move to the next paragraph.
It does not seem well-rounded because it is so clearly arguing for the movie. Try to anticipate readers who won’t agree with you and attempt to counter argue. You only have one negative comment. What else could be improved? Or say why the “flaws” or what some people may dislike actually make the movie great.
“could not be better scripted” that phrasing is a little awkward, because most people probably tend not to think in extremes, as in the saying “never say never.” Can something really have no room for improvement? You can say instead something like, “from the beginning, the script called for ….. and nothing is overacted, it achieved the goal, etc…”
Your discussion of the relationship of the girl and the assassin is detailed and comprehensive, but it may come off to readers as a bit naïve. Even though you perceive the relationship to be wholesome and innocent, explain in details why this is so, and anticipate readers’ criticism. Try to counter argue, as I said before, but at least acknowledge that there are other interpretations.

(?) Questions?

What about other actors’ performance? Try to evaluate those too.
Find out more examples of Spike Lee’s works, what makes his work so brilliant as you said?

Essay # _3____

Writer ____Anthony Han____________________ Peer Respondent ___Dana Holder__________

Instructions: Listen to the essay carefully. Take at least two minutes after the reading to complete the following notes, and then share your reactions orally with the writer. Submit the completed form to your teacher at the end of the Peer Response activity.

(+) What works? (praise)
 Very in depth with giving a synopsis of the movie
 Explains different aspects of the movie other than action
 Discusses the relationship of the main characters
 Explains clearly why he approves of the movie

(-) What Doesn’t (polish)
 Give a little into why this movie is different from other action movies

(?) Questions?
Does the movie receive any awards?
If you could change something about the movie, what would it be.

Essay # __3__

Writer ______Anthony Han________ Peer Respondent _____Tanisha Daley____________

Instructions: Listen to the essay carefully. Take at least two minutes after the reading to complete the following notes, and then share your reactions orally with the writer. Submit the completed form to your teacher at the end of the Peer Response activity.

(+) What works? (praise)
That critique was very in-depth. You summarized the whole movie while adding on what you thought were the high lights and also the negative aspects of the movie. You knew a lot about the movie. It really showed how much you enjoyed the movie. You really informed the audience about the characters and actors that played them.

(-) What Doesn’t (polish)
It was so in-depth that a person like me who never watched the movie was a little lost at what you were talking about. When you spoke of a couple of scenes I didn’t completely get the whole idea because it was just a scene.

(?) Questions?

Is there any other movie you could have possibly compared this to ?